When we see our loved ones stepping away from their faith, it can often feel like they are turning their backs on something sacred. However, what may seem like rejection could actually be a stage of deconstruction. The term “deconstruction” may feel modern—coined in the 1960s—but its roots go back much further. The process of re-examining, questioning, and reorienting one’s beliefs has been part of human experience since the beginning of time. Understanding this can help us navigate and even embrace the season of deconstruction that our friends or family might be experiencing, which feels worrisome.

While deconstruction can be unsettling, particularly for those within religious communities, there is a healthy aspect to it. For example, if a grown child comes home from college with new perspectives on faith, rather than reacting defensively, listening and explore their thoughts can offer deeper insight into both their spiritual journey and our own.

In a recent Bible study, concerns were raised about adult children straying from the faith. I explained that, rather than rejecting faith itself, many may be questioning faith “practices” and “expressions.” As they develop independent thought, they are likely discovering their own spiritual identity. A woman after class expressed how hopeful this perspective made her feel, as many parents are deeply concerned about the children they’ve raised in the church. These concerns are often rooted in the rigid, sometimes isolating Christian culture that our children may be trying to move beyond. As uncomfortable as it may seem, we can trust that true faith—alive and vibrant—is not threatened by questioning religious traditions or theologies. In fact, it’s often necessary to sift through the ideologies and politics that can surround our faith.

The truth is, within Christianity, there are many “bubbles”—divisions and denominations with unique theological systems and traditions. A study suggests that there are over 40,000 denominations, each carrying its own interpretations. 

My own deconstruction journey began when three new sons-in-law entered our family—each coming from a different denominational background. These men, highly educated with advanced theological degrees, brought with them a wealth of diverse perspectives on faith. Conversations in our home often became intense as they, along with my progressive children, questioned and explored the core of their beliefs. Through these discussions, I began to see cracks in my own understanding—cracks that only appeared because I was challenged to think beyond my own “bubble.” The result? A deeper faith, one rooted not in systems of theology but in a more intimate connection with God (centered on the gospel of Jesus Christ).

Deconstruction is an inevitable part of spiritual growth, particularly in a world that is always evolving. As culture shifts, our understanding and expression of faith must be examined and reoriented. However, in our fear and worry for those deconstructing, we sometimes forget to trust God with their process. Letting go of our need to control their journey and allowing God to work in their lives will provide a safer space for them to explore and grow.

Even the methods of communicating faith evolve. I remember speaking with one of Billy Graham’s grandsons, who explained why he didn’t hold large crusades like his grandfather did. He pointed out that, in the age of the internet, everyone has the potential to be an evangelist, and the old methods no longer hold the same influence. While the gospel remains unchanged, the ways we share and express it are always in flux.

Some parts of Christianity continue to impose rigid and legalistic ideologies that don’t allow room for questioning. These expectations, if not carefully examined, can feel suffocating. This is where deconstruction becomes essential. It’s important to recognize that those questioning or leaving may not be abandoning faith—they’re often just leaving the bubble that has boxed it in.

Romans 12:2 offers a powerful framework for this process of deconstruction: “Do not be conformed to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” We see that many of our theological systems are influenced by the patterns of the world. Celebrity pastors, mega-churches, and the business of ministry all reflect worldly values, which can easily infiltrate the church’s mission. Examining these patterns is essential, particularly when we realize that some of the issues our children are deconstructing may be rooted in these worldly patterns within Christian culture, which they find hypocritical.

Jesus’s ministry on earth was an ongoing exercise in deconstruction, particularly in His confrontation with the Pharisees and their legalism. The Apostle Paul also calls out deconstruction in Galatians 3:3, asking, “Are you so foolish? After beginning by means of the Spirit, are you now trying to finish by means of the flesh?” In 1 Corinthians 3:12, Paul paints a picture of faith being built on the foundation of Jesus, where everything will be examined. Only what is built with the highest quality materials—grace and mercy—will last. Anything that looks impressive but is empty inside will be burned away.

We are all part of this process, no matter where we stand on the deconstruction spectrum. The best thing we can do for those in the midst of deconstruction is to pray, listen, and offer kindness and grace. These are the materials that endure. In the end, God will perform the ultimate deconstruction, as Hebrews 12:27 tells us: “I will shake not only the earth but also the heavens… so that what cannot be shaken may remain.” And, as 1 Corinthians 13:13 affirms, “Now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.” God’s love is the foundation on which everything else stands. While we were still sinners, Christ died for us—this is the love that will never fail. 

***If you or someone you know is struggling with doubt or deconstruction, I highly recommend the book- “After Doubt: How to Question Your Faith Without Losing It” by A.J. Swoboda***

The following brief descriptions touch on emotions common to our humanity. Insecurity, Discouragement, Loneliness, Anxiety, Inadequacy, Inferiority, Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, Approval Seeking, Obsession, Neediness, Identity Confusion, Feeling Second Best, and other areas of emotional struggle.