Neediness is described in the dictionary as wanting or desiring affection, attention, or reassurance to an excessive degree. A person can identify whether they struggle with neediness by evaluating if the quality of their existence depends on being constantly affirmed. In other words, they will have a tendency to feel unsettled if any one of the three feelings (affection, attention, or reassurance) are not continuously validated. When these feelings are supported they feel secure–but only for the moment. As time elapses, they once again, feel an overwhelming desire to have these needs met.
A person who struggles with neediness will, also, notice that the people around them
begin to pull away as they attempt to meet these expectations, but soon find the need too all-consuming. The pattern of relationships that crumble due to this struggle is recognizable. However, the needy person internalizes it as rejection, which compounds their need for further affirmation. Many times this can provoke the other party to become hostile. It is not unusual for unhealthy relationships to form or become a pattern in the life of a needy person. Neediness never rests, and it often leaves a person with feelings of emptiness and desperation.
There are many reasons that this “black hole” may set up shop in the heart of a person. It could be anything from disposition, compulsion, inclination to emotional deprivation. If a person has been deprived of nurturing or given indulgent nurturing, the result may be the same: an excessive sense of need. There are also emotional components that can play a part in this struggle including insecurity, depression, and anxiety.
If you are a person who struggles with neediness and wish to be freed from its grip there is hope! Coming face to face with its hold is a good start. You are not called to let go–only to fall into that much-feared pit of emptiness that has propelled your struggle in the first place. You are called to rest in the ever-loving arms of, Jesus, who wants to mold and shape your security in Him. The human heart naturally longs and desires for validation. Scripture gives us guidelines, boundaries, and measures for this to occur in a spiritually healthy way. To discover who you are in Christ as a person is an exciting and rewarding adventure. Blue Skies: Beyond The Dark Clouds Of Broken Thinking helps us to overcome the self-sabotaging nature of neediness.
Joy and peace come from learning to walk in the design God has for our thinking. Every day we battle with old thought patterns and emotions that hold us captive. Blue Skies: Beyond The Dark Clouds Of Broken Thinking leads us step by step; taking us deep into truths that set us free to live into a new narrative, one of confidence and purpose—the story we were meant to live.
4 thoughts on “Understanding Neediness”
Great post! I’m a survivor of school bullying and an advocate for people who are bullied. Oftentimes, I see many victims of bullying who are desperate for any crumb of affection because they’ve been abused by others for so long. These are people who were once confident and had good self-esteem, but were then bullied for a long time and now they’ve lost the once confident people they once were. Only God and His Son can restore them. Thank you so much for posting this!
Bullying does a number on the mind. You understand better than most because you went through it. God uses our life experiences as part of the healing others. Thank you for being a bullying advocate and thank you for your comment!!
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You’re very welcome! And thank you for your kind words! 🙂
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