Matters Of Faith

Approval Seeking

/ Grand Times / 23 Comments

I remember my mother talking about a group gaining popularity in her time called the Red Hat Society. She described how these older women would gather wearing red hats and purple dresses. The tacky choice of fashion colors had a purpose and that was to proclaim freedom from cultural confinements andredhat expectations of their youth. I vividly recall myself as a young woman coming upon a restaurant table filled with just such ladies. They were, of course, all in red hats—and the stark contrast of their purple dresses only magnified their fearless pursuit of independence. I couldn’t help but notice how they bubbled-over with laughter and delight. Although their happiness struck me, I simultaneously cringed at how silly they looked and couldn’t imagine ever doing such a thing. Now, I can’t help but admire the sense of freedom they openly expressed and the idea of what it stood for.

Life-long pursuit of approval
Seeking approval is the natural default of being human — we are born this way. Depending on the circumstances, a child can feel compelled to please or seek approval to varying degrees. People struggling with the need for approval often remember the conditions that triggered them to perform to meet perceived expectations. Perhaps it was an uninterested parent or a sibling who excelled and found favor. Multiple influences, including outside the family unit, sometimes cultivate the compulsion to please people. Whatever the reason, one common theme that connects them all is—fear of disapproval.

As we venture from adolescence to the grown-up world, we feel the pressure to perform ramped up to an even higher degree. We enter a new era of disapproving eyes, people from dysfunctional backgrounds of approval-seeking. It becomes hard work to avoid negative opinions; the more we try, the more anxious and unsettled we feel. A.W. Tozer said: “The heart’s fierce effort to protect itself from every slight, to shield its touchy honor from the bad opinion of friend and enemy, will never let it rest.”

Jesus on approval seeking
Jesus describes the propensity of human disapproval in Matthew 11:18: “For John didn’t spend his time eating and drinking, and you say, ‘He’s possessed by a demon.’ The Son of Man, on the other hand, feasts and drinks, and you say, ‘He’s a glutton and a drunkard, and a friend of tax collectors and other sinners.”

His words give us great insight into people’s general tendency to see things negatively, if not entirely erroneously. As Christians, we are free from all the errors in man’s judgments. Jesus gave His life in exchange for our sins so that we may be justified, but it’s up to us to the extent that we embrace the fullness of this freedom while on earth. You may be sensing the inclination to do so to a greater degree. 

Does that mean we will finally earn people’s approval by this divine substitution? On the contrary, we will still let people down. In addition, those who are disappointed in Jesus will be disappointed in us. If they hate Jesus, they will hate us. Jesus confirms the unreasonable nature of humanity in John 15:25: “They hated me without cause.”

There is no end except in Christ
The good news is that as we mature in age, many of us become aware that the fickleness of human approval never ends. As a result, we find our people-pleasing tendencies begin to decrease. The golden carrot of validation we’ve been chasing all these years loses appeal. With the help of the Lord, we begin to cultivate a healthy disregard for the criticisms that once kept our bellies tied in knots. Could it possibly be time to buy a red hat?

But we must be cautious of another slippery slope for those who have always sought approval. If pleasing others has been our struggle, then a subtle projection of this endeavor onto God Himself is often the natural progression. We may slip automatically into the mindset of seeking the approval of God, and always doubting that we are good enough for Him, always working and trying harder to please Him. But God never intended this kind of bondage for us, either.

Our minds may need to understand in a greater way that God has provided not only rescue for our people-pleasing dilemma but also for our God-pleasing, performance-based patterns. Grasping the latter is what brings ultimate rescue to both. Do we fully realize that God’s love is not contingent on our efforts and deeds? He does not regard the disapproval of others or our own failed expectations. When God looks at us, He sees us wrapped in Christ’s perfect robe of righteousness. We are approved based on what He has done on our behalf—each clothed in a garment of His royal reputation. People pleasing, approval seeking, and earning favor with God have no merit or influence in the spiritual realm. We are, in a truer sense, partakers of a heavenly group that celebrates freedom from performance-based expectations—not a red hat society, but a purple-robed society—“a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a peculiar people” (1 Peter 2:9). We can confidently bubble-over with God’s approval, acceptance and immeasurable grace. Oh, what rest for the wearied, approval-seeking soul!

Are your thoughts and emotions weighing you down? Imagine a sacred retreat for your mind—a healing refuge designed by God for your most challenging emotions. Blue Skies invites you to explore the solace of Philippians 4:8, the ultimate destination for spiritual peace.  Blue Skies Above the Dark Clouds of Broken Thinking 

Contact us to request your free copy of Blue Skies.

Understanding Neediness

/ Grand Times / 26 Comments

Neediness can be described as an overwhelming desire for affection, attention, or reassurance. Those struggling with neediness may find their sense of self-worth closely tied to continuous affirmation from others. If these needs are not consistently met, they experience a sense of unease or insecurity. While receiving validation may provide temporary security, this sense of fulfillment is short-lived, quickly giving way to a renewed and insatiable desire for more.

Individuals who struggle with neediness often observe that their relationships begin to deteriorate as others try to meet these high expectations but eventually find the demand too overwhelming. This can create a cycle where relationships crumble, yet the needy person internalizes the situation as personal rejection, deepening their need for further affirmation. This pattern frequently leads to frustration and hostility, contributing to unhealthy relationship dynamics. As neediness persists, it often leaves the individual with an ongoing sense of emptiness and desperation.

There are many factors that can contribute to the development of this deep, unrelenting need. These may range from personality traits, compulsions, and emotional deprivation to past experiences of inadequate or overindulgent nurture. Emotional struggles such as insecurity, anxiety, and depression can also play a significant role in intensifying the sense of neediness.

If you identify with the struggle of neediness, there is hope and freedom. You don’t have to surrender to the emptiness that is fueling these intense feelings. Instead, you are invited to find true security in the unwavering love of Jesus, who longs to reshape your sense of worth. While the human heart naturally seeks validation, Scripture provides wisdom and guidance for receiving it in a spiritually healthy and grounded way. Discovering your unshakable value in Christ is both liberating and transformative, offering lasting peace and fulfillment.

Are your thoughts and emotions weighing you down? Imagine a sacred refuge for your mind—a healing retreat designed by God for your most challenging emotions. Blue Skies invites you to explore the solace of Philippians 4:8, the ultimate destination for spiritual peace. Blue Skies: Above The Dark Clouds Of Broken Thinking

Contact us to request your free copy of Blue Skies.

The following brief descriptions touch on emotions common to our humanity. Insecurity, Discouragement, Loneliness, Anxiety, Inadequacy, Inferiority, Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, Approval Seeking, Obsession, Neediness, Identity Confusion, Feeling Second Best, and other areas of emotional struggle.

Understanding Loneliness

/ Grand Times / 23 Comments

Loneliness is often described as the sadness that arises from isolation or a lack of companionship. As we age, this sense of loneliness can intensify. However, it is interesting to note that many people experience loneliness even when they are not physically alone. This is because loneliness often stems from something deeper than the absence of others—frequently it is a state of mind.

While loneliness can arise from a lack of community, it is often rooted in a feeling of disconnect. Perhaps a significant season has passed, leaving a profound sense of loss, or life simply hasn’t unfolded as expected. Sometimes, personal trials leave us feeling isolated from those around us. Regardless of the cause, loneliness manifests when we feel there is no one in our lives who truly understands us or shares our experiences. This lack of meaningful connection is the heart of what makes loneliness so difficult to endure.

Even within a community, people struggling with loneliness often find it difficult to form authentic, heart-level connections. In their search for companionship, they may turn to fleeting comforts that ultimately leave them feeling even emptier. Temporary solutions such as—social media binging, workaholism, overeating, substance use, or unhealthy relationships—offer brief relief, but they rarely fulfill the deeper need for genuine connection.

In Christian communities, the temptation to fill loneliness with routine rather than authentic relationships is common. People come and go, but true openness and transparency often remain aloof. Recognizing loneliness and the human tendency to self-medicate is an essential step toward seeking healthier, more fulfilling solutions.

Loneliness, however, can be a divine invitation—a chance for God to draw us closer to Him and lead us to deeper, more meaningful relationships with others. If you are struggling with loneliness, a helpful first step might be to explore local churches or support communities that align with your values. Faith-based online communities can also provide a place of belonging and shared understanding.

As C.S. Lewis famously said, “What? You too? I thought I was the only one.” This simple yet profound statement captures the heart of our longing for connection—a reminder that we are not alone in our feelings of isolation, and that the right relationships can offer the understanding and comfort we deeply need.

The following brief descriptions touch on emotions common to our humanity. Insecurity, Discouragement, Loneliness, Anxiety, Inadequacy, Inferiority, Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, Approval Seeking, Obsession, Neediness, Identity Confusion, Feeling Second Best, and other areas of emotional struggle.

Are your thoughts and emotions weighing you down? Imagine a sacred retreat for your mind—a healing refuge designed by God for your most challenging emotions. Blue Skies invites you to explore the solace of Philippians 4:8, the ultimate destination for spiritual peace. Blue Skies: Above The Dark Clouds Of Broken Thinking.

Contact us to request your free copy of Blue Skies.

Understanding Inferiority

/ Grand Times / 25 Comments

Inferiority is the feeling of being of a lower degree, rank, value, or merit than others. This crippling emotion can manifest in many ways. One way is the inability to speak up because the person struggling with inferiority feels their input is not valuable enough to voice. They may also downplay special occasions in their lives, thinking that a celebration would not interest anybody else. They often worry they are an inconvenience to people.

For this reason, they are quick to put themselves last or take themselves out of the equation altogether. They frequently demean themselves before others have an opportunity. They live life feeling undeserving because they sincerely believe they are inferior.

Inferiority hinders judgment and sound choices because it stems from a faulty FeelingInferior-foundation. A simplified example might look like this: If a person’s shoe size is seven, and they were teased in their young lives for having bigger feet, they may buy undersized shoes that are painfully tight. Their choice is based on a faulty foundation that stems from a past influence.

Faulty choices can overflow into many areas of life for someone who feels inferior. The people they choose to date may be bad for them. The job they take might be in an unhealthy environment. The friends they select might have negative influences on their lives. The person struggling with inferiority will think (based on their faulty foundation) that these decisions are their best options, even if they are not.

Unfortunately, most people will treat a person who feels inferior according to their inferiority simply because the world responds to the power of observation and suggestion. In the psychological realm, this is called neuron mirroring. For instance, if the person is intelligent yet feels stupid, they may project the latter. Most people they come in contact with will treat them the way they think, even if they are brilliant.

The truth is that none of their feelings of inferiority have any basis in spiritual reality. Yet, they still feel bound by them until the value they place on the world’s opinion becomes less. The only hope for their struggle is to become intimately acquainted with God’s value system—and then learn to embrace it—regardless of how they feel.

Christians who struggle with inferiority may have head knowledge of how much God values people but never believe it is true for them. 

Are your thoughts and emotions weighing you down? Imagine a sacred refuge for your mind—a healing retreat designed by God for your most challenging emotions. Blue Skies invites you to explore the solace of Philippians 4:8, the ultimate destination for spiritual peace. Blue Skies: Above The Dark Clouds Of Broken Thinking

Contact us to request your free copy of Blue Skies.

The following brief descriptions touch on emotions common to our humanity. Insecurity, Discouragement, Loneliness, Anxiety, Inadequacy, Inferiority, Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, Approval Seeking, Obsession, Neediness, Identity Confusion, Feeling Second Best, and other areas of emotional struggle.

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Understanding Feelings Inadequacy

/ Grand Times / 22 Comments

Inadequacy is the emotionally painful experience of feeling insufficient or incapable. It is the opposite of confidence and competence, and those who struggle with inadequacy often feel as though they fall short in specific areas of their lives. Regardless of the validity of this belief, it feels deeply true to them, creating a sense of emotional distress that can be hard to escape.

Individuals struggling with inadequacy are often overcome by feelings of humiliation and shame, fearing that they will be exposed as less than others. The concern that their perceived shortcomings will be discovered and lead to their replacement by someone more capable creates a constant sense of threat. As a result, they can feel persistently vulnerable, sometimes becoming withdrawn or excessively needy in an attempt to cope with their inner turmoil.

In an effort to protect themselves, many people who struggle with inadequacy build a facade of capability. On the outside, they may appear competent, but on the inside, they often feel like impostors who must maintain a false appearance to avoid being “found out.” This effort to retreat into an acceptable persona may provide temporary relief, but it leaves a growing emotional void. Underneath the surface, feelings of inferiority, insecurity, and anxiety continue to multiply.

To ease their inner distress, individuals with a deep sense of inadequacy may seek excessive reassurance. They recognize their struggles and want to overcome them, but even with this awareness, they still feel deeply inadequate.

In his book Pursuit of God, author A.W. Tozer speaks to the natural human tendency to protect the heart when feeling inadequate. He writes, “The heart’s fierce effort to protect itself from every slight, to shield its touchy honor from the bad opinion of friend and enemy, will never let it rest.” Indeed, inadequacy robs a person of peace, leaving them restless and troubled.

Fortunately, God provides guidance and healing for this painful emotional experience. While it takes time to understand the root causes of inadequacy and navigate the emotional challenges it presents, overcoming it is possible with God’s help. Through His wisdom, grace, and truth, individuals can find freedom from the lie of inadequacy’s hold. 

Are your thoughts and emotions weighing you down? Imagine a sacred refuge for your mind—a healing retreat designed by God for your most challenging emotions. Blue Skies invites you to explore the solace of Philippians 4:8, the ultimate destination for spiritual peace. Blue Skies: Above The Dark Clouds Of Broken Thinking.

Contact us to request your free copy of Blue Skies.

The following brief descriptions touch on emotions common to our humanity. Insecurity, Discouragement, Loneliness, Anxiety, Inadequacy, Inferiority, Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, Approval Seeking, Obsession, Neediness, Identity Confusion, Feeling Second Best, and other areas of emotional struggle.

Understanding Discouragement

/ Grand Times / 25 Comments

To be discouraged is to feel disheartened—it is the state where courage, hope, and confidence are stripped away. The dictionary defines discouragement as being deprived of these vital qualities, and many factors can contribute to it, including disapproval, rejection, and intimidation. It can arise from external pressures or stem from internal struggles with perception and emotions.

A key characteristic of discouragement is the feeling of being unable to move forward. For example, if someone pours effort into a project only to face consistent criticism or neglect, they may lose the energy or motivation to continue. Over time, this leads to a sense of disappointment and mental fatigue, potentially leading to a deep-seated belief in failure. This experience is not limited to work—it can affect all areas of life.

What many fail to recognize is that discouragement is one of the most powerful tools Satan uses to derail us. God has equipped each person with unique gifts and talents, meant to be shared with the world. Discouragement is the enemy’s way of stealing not only our current potential but also our future opportunities. As a result, those struggling with discouragement often settle for less, allowing doubt and persistent feelings of inadequacy to plague their thoughts, leaving them wondering what’s the use?

The tragic outcome of this struggle is that many people are discouraged from reaching their full potential. Opportunities slip by unnoticed, and life’s possibilities appear out of reach. If you recognize these patterns in your own life, know that you are not alone. The first step is acknowledging that God has created you for something much greater and that it may be time to rise up against the weight of discouragement.

The good news is that Scripture offers powerful tools for overcoming this emotional battle. By embracing the truth of God’s promises, you can begin to shift the trajectory of your life. With His strength, you can fight against discouragement and reclaim the future He has designed for you.

Are your thoughts and emotions weighing you down? Imagine a sacred retreat for your mind—a healing refuge designed by God for your most challenging emotions. Blue Skies invites you to explore the solace of Philippians 4:8, the ultimate destination for spiritual peace. Blue Skies: Above The Dark Clouds Of Broken Thinking.

Contact us to request your free copy of Blue Skies.

The following brief descriptions touch on emotions common to our humanity. Insecurity, Discouragement, Loneliness, Anxiety, Inadequacy, Inferiority, Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, Approval Seeking, Obsession, Neediness, Identity Confusion, Feeling Second Best, and other areas of emotional struggle.

Feeling Second Best

/ Grand Times / 24 Comments

Often, feeling “second best” can be traced back to specific life events. Perhaps you were always the last considered in family dynamics or social gatherings. Maybe you were overlooked for relationships or passed over for a promotion. Whatever the case, consistently coming in second can leave lasting emotional impressions that shape your self-worth.

People process the pain of being bypassed or discounted in different ways. One person may shy away from opportunities altogether, fearing they’ll once again fall short. Another might aggressively pursue success to prove themselves. Yet, the underlying cause in both reactions is the same: the fear of not measuring up.

It’s essential to understand that the “emptiness” you feel in these moments is not a reflection of your true worth. Seeking reassurance through the wrong means only deepens the void. Realizing that someone else’s preference or favoritism does not diminish your value can help you shift your perspective. The truth is, how others perceive you has nothing to do with your intrinsic worth, but often speaks to a flaw in their own judgment and behavior.

Favoritism—whether in relationships, jobs, or social circles—tends to be based on shallow, superficial criteria. A “favorer” may choose others based on surface-level attributes or personal biases, overlooking qualities that truly matter. James 2:9 warns against showing favoritism, calling it a sin. So, when others favor someone else, it often reflects a lack of depth and discernment on their part—not a reflection of your worth.

Consider the story of David, a shepherd boy chosen by God despite being the least likely candidate. When the prophet Samuel went to anoint the next king from among Jesse’s sons, David wasn’t even initially considered. He was the eighth choice. Yet, God’s perspective was entirely different: “The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7)

Throughout Scripture, we see that those who were overlooked by the world’s standards were often chosen by God for greatness. Think of Gideon, Joseph, Esther, or even Mary—the mother of Jesus. In God’s eyes, being second best—or even last—is never a hindrance. Rather, it’s often a springboard for extraordinary purposes.

As 1 Corinthians 1:26-29 reminds us: “But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him.”

In God’s economy, being overlooked or underestimated is not a setback—it’s often the very thing that sets the stage for something far greater than the world can imagine. Your worth is never determined by worldly standards. Instead, trust that God sees your heart and has a unique and significant purpose for you.

Are your thoughts and emotions weighing you down? Imagine a sacred refuge for your mind—a healing retreat designed by God for your most challenging emotions. Blue Skies invites you to explore the solace of Philippians 4:8, the ultimate destination for spiritual peace. Blue Skies: Above The Dark Clouds Of Broken Thinking

Contact us to request your free copy of Blue Skies.

The following brief descriptions touch on emotions common to our humanity. Insecurity, Discouragement, Loneliness, Anxiety, Inadequacy, Inferiority, Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, Approval Seeking, Obsession, Neediness, Identity Confusion, Feeling Second Best, and other areas of emotional struggle.

Understanding Anxiety

/ Grand Times / 24 Comments

Anxiety is a profound and painful uneasiness of the mind, often triggered by a fear of danger or misfortune. It brings with it a sense of overwhelming apprehension, often accompanied by physical symptoms like sweating, tension, and an elevated pulse. At its core, anxiety frequently stems from self-doubt—uncertainty about one’s ability to cope with challenging situations.

For many, anxiety has deep roots in childhood traumas and unresolved fears, lingering in the subconscious even when the details of these experiences are forgotten. Despite not consciously recalling these past events, anxiety can resurface unexpectedly, creating overwhelming feelings of dread in the present.

Those who struggle with anxiety often feel restricted by its grip. For example, an individual experiencing an anxiety attack may feel immobilized, unable to function socially, relationally, or professionally. This can lead to self-imposed limitations in an attempt to avoid the discomfort of anxiety. The constant battle with this emotion can feel like a weary, unbreakable cycle, where even the most hopeful aspirations are overshadowed by the weight of fear.

At the heart of anxiety is a deeply human condition—the frailty of the human spirit. While it may be an uncomfortable realization, those who struggle with anxiety are often acutely aware of their own limitations. But this very awareness offers a unique opportunity for healing. The truth is that our very next breath, our survival, is dependent on God’s provision. It is He who sustains the weak—something we all are, simply by virtue of being human.

A common mistake for those struggling with anxiety is to seek worldly confidence or self-assurance as a solution. However, this path often leads to further disillusionment. In contrast, the presence of anxiety can serve as a hidden blessing—a reminder of our frailty and a call to depend on the greater power of Jesus. It is through acknowledging our weakness that we begin to discover strength through the Holy Spirit. God is pleased to show His strength through the weak, offering His support in ways that are beyond our human understanding.

Scripture teaches us that God often chooses the weak things of the world to accomplish great things. As 1 Corinthians 1:27 states: “God has chosen the foolish things of the world to shame the wise, and the weak things of the world to shame the things which are strong.” Far from disregarding those who feel timid or anxious, God invites them to be vessels for His purpose and strength.

Anxiety burdens the heart, and it is God’s desire for us to experience freedom from this weight. Through Scripture, He provides the provision and direction needed to find peace in the midst of anxiety. By pressing into God with our vulnerabilities, we will find ourselves equipped to face life’s challenges, not in our own strength, but through His.

Are your thoughts and emotions weighing you down? Imagine a sacred retreat for your mind—a healing refuge designed by God for your most challenging emotions. Blue Skies invites you to explore the solace of Philippians 4:8, the ultimate destination for spiritual peace. Blue Skies: Above The Dark Clouds Of Broken Thinking

Contact us to request your free copy of Blue Skies.

The following brief descriptions touch on emotions common to our humanity. Insecurity, Discouragement, Loneliness, Anxiety, Inadequacy, Inferiority, Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, Approval Seeking, Obsession, Neediness, Identity Confusion, Feeling Second Best, and other areas of emotional struggle.

When We Think We Have Nothing To Offer

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When the Bible discusses the parable of the talents, it’s easy to initially interpret it in terms of “performance.” Our minds often focus on external achievements, equating success with visible outcomes. However, the Bible is not speaking about performance or mere works when it instructs us on how to live or give. Being a good steward of our talents is not about multiplying deeds but about deepening our conscious connection to God. It’s about the choices that flow from that connection, day by day. A perfect God working through imperfect people by grace—without grace, we would lack even the mental and spiritual faculties to fulfill this purpose.

Consider the story of Rahab. From the standpoint of Christian morality, her actions might seem morally compromised. Rahab, a prostitute by trade, certainly doesn’t fit the typical mold of someone called to carry out divine plans. Furthermore, when confronted, she lies and deceives. If we were to evaluate her actions strictly by conventional standards, we might conclude she failed to invest her talents properly in the spiritual realm.

But this is not the lesson of her story. Rahab exemplifies the stewardship of a conscious connection to God. Despite her past and her imperfections, she acted out of faith, driven by God’s grace, which opened her heart to His reality. Rahab didn’t have a deep theological understanding of the Hebrew God—she simply believed. That belief moved her to action, rooted in her conscious connection to the Living God. This is faith: a firm conviction that God is real and true.

It’s remarkable that God chose to use such an imperfect person in the redemption of His people, even rescuing her soul in the process. This is no coincidence; it illustrates how God works. He calls the broken and the overlooked of the world: “But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are.” (1 Cor 1:27-29). Acts of faith highlight God’s power, not our own.

Rahab may have turned over a new moral leaf after these events, but those moral changes are not the focus of her story in the Bible. In the Hall of Faith, recorded in Hebrews 11, what’s highlighted is her faith and how God used her, despite her flaws. God did not demand that Rahab clean up her life before He could use her. It was all part of His grace, reaching down and opening her heart. Through grace, He planted seeds in Rahab’s heart that blossomed and multiplied, becoming a crucial part of the redemptive story.

In fact, we are spiritual descendants of this faith work. 

Rahab is listed in the genealogy of Christ, making her one of our spiritual matriarchs. So, the next time you feel unworthy or judged by the standards of the world, remember Rahab. And if we ever find ourselves thinking too highly of our polished Christian persona, we would do well to reflect on Rahab’s story. It’s only when God, through the work of Jesus, reveals His complete love and acceptance to our hearts that our faith is truly activated. In that moment, we become good stewards of the most precious truth, a truth that we can carry with confidence to the spiritual bank.

Are your thoughts and emotions weighing you down? Imagine a sacred refuge for your mind—a healing retreat designed by God for your most challenging emotions. Blue Skies invites you to explore the solace of Philippians 4:8, the ultimate destination for spiritual peace. Blue Skies: Above The Dark Clouds Of Broken Thinking

Contact us to request your free copy of Blue Skies.

The following brief descriptions touch on emotions common to our humanity. Insecurity, Discouragement, Loneliness, Anxiety, Inadequacy, Inferiority, Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, Approval Seeking, Obsession, Neediness, Identity Confusion, Feeling Second Best, and other areas of emotional struggle.

When Our Loved Ones Step Away From The Church

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When we see our loved ones stepping away from their faith, it can often feel like they are turning their backs on something sacred. However, what may seem like rejection could actually be a stage of deconstruction. The term “deconstruction” may feel modern—coined in the 1960s—but its roots go back much further. The process of re-examining, questioning, and reorienting one’s beliefs has been part of human experience since the beginning of time. Understanding this can help us navigate and even embrace the season of deconstruction that our friends or family might be experiencing, which feels worrisome.

While deconstruction can be unsettling, particularly for those within religious communities, there is a healthy aspect to it. For example, if a grown child comes home from college with new perspectives on faith, rather than reacting defensively, listening and explore their thoughts can offer deeper insight into both their spiritual journey and our own.

In a recent Bible study, concerns were raised about adult children straying from the faith. I explained that, rather than rejecting faith itself, many may be questioning faith “practices” and “expressions.” As they develop independent thought, they are likely discovering their own spiritual identity. A woman after class expressed how hopeful this perspective made her feel, as many parents are deeply concerned about the children they’ve raised in the church. These concerns are often rooted in the rigid, sometimes isolating Christian culture that our children may be trying to move beyond. As uncomfortable as it may seem, we can trust that true faith—alive and vibrant—is not threatened by questioning religious traditions or theologies. In fact, it’s often necessary to sift through the ideologies and politics that can surround our faith.

The truth is, within Christianity, there are many “bubbles”—divisions and denominations with unique theological systems and traditions. A study suggests that there are over 40,000 denominations, each carrying its own interpretations. 

My own deconstruction journey began when three new sons-in-law entered our family—each coming from a different denominational background. These men, highly educated with advanced theological degrees, brought with them a wealth of diverse perspectives on faith. Conversations in our home often became intense as they, along with my progressive children, questioned and explored the core of their beliefs. Through these discussions, I began to see cracks in my own understanding—cracks that only appeared because I was challenged to think beyond my own “bubble.” The result? A deeper faith, one rooted not in systems of theology but in a more intimate connection with God (centered on the gospel of Jesus Christ).

Deconstruction is an inevitable part of spiritual growth, particularly in a world that is always evolving. As culture shifts, our understanding and expression of faith must be examined and reoriented. However, in our fear and worry for those deconstructing, we sometimes forget to trust God with their process. Letting go of our need to control their journey and allowing God to work in their lives will provide a safer space for them to explore and grow.

Even the methods of communicating faith evolve. I remember speaking with one of Billy Graham’s grandsons, who explained why he didn’t hold large crusades like his grandfather did. He pointed out that, in the age of the internet, everyone has the potential to be an evangelist, and the old methods no longer hold the same influence. While the gospel remains unchanged, the ways we share and express it are always in flux.

Some parts of Christianity continue to impose rigid and legalistic ideologies that don’t allow room for questioning. These expectations, if not carefully examined, can feel suffocating. This is where deconstruction becomes essential. It’s important to recognize that those questioning or leaving may not be abandoning faith—they’re often just leaving the bubble that has boxed it in.

Romans 12:2 offers a powerful framework for this process of deconstruction: “Do not be conformed to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” We see that many of our theological systems are influenced by the patterns of the world. Celebrity pastors, mega-churches, and the business of ministry all reflect worldly values, which can easily infiltrate the church’s mission. Examining these patterns is essential, particularly when we realize that some of the issues our children are deconstructing may be rooted in these worldly patterns within Christian culture, which they find hypocritical.

Jesus’s ministry on earth was an ongoing exercise in deconstruction, particularly in His confrontation with the Pharisees and their legalism. The Apostle Paul also calls out deconstruction in Galatians 3:3, asking, “Are you so foolish? After beginning by means of the Spirit, are you now trying to finish by means of the flesh?” In 1 Corinthians 3:12, Paul paints a picture of faith being built on the foundation of Jesus, where everything will be examined. Only what is built with the highest quality materials—grace and mercy—will last. Anything that looks impressive but is empty inside will be burned away.

We are all part of this process, no matter where we stand on the deconstruction spectrum. The best thing we can do for those in the midst of deconstruction is to pray, listen, and offer kindness and grace. These are the materials that endure. In the end, God will perform the ultimate deconstruction, as Hebrews 12:27 tells us: “I will shake not only the earth but also the heavens… so that what cannot be shaken may remain.” And, as 1 Corinthians 13:13 affirms, “Now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.” God’s love is the foundation on which everything else stands. While we were still sinners, Christ died for us—this is the love that will never fail. 

***If you or someone you know is struggling with doubt or deconstruction, I highly recommend the book- “After Doubt: How to Question Your Faith Without Losing It” by A.J. Swoboda***

The following brief descriptions touch on emotions common to our humanity. Insecurity, Discouragement, Loneliness, Anxiety, Inadequacy, Inferiority, Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, Approval Seeking, Obsession, Neediness, Identity Confusion, Feeling Second Best, and other areas of emotional struggle.