When you’re in pain, it’s important to be cautious who you share with, simply because opening up often invites a response. Choosing the right people to confide in can help guard your heart, especially when you’re vulnerable. Sometimes, well-meaning advice can unintentionally add to your distress. For this reason being selective can make a world of difference in your healing. The story of Job offers a powerful reminder of this caution. His friends, despite their closeness, contributed to his suffering with counsel that was ultimately misguided, and in God’s rebuke, we see the inherent danger in seeking advice from those who don’t fully understand or speak with wisdom.

In Job 38:2, God addresses the flawed counsel of Job’s friends: “Who is this who darkens counsel by words without knowledge?” Job, already deep in despair, was further burdened by their words when he most needed understanding. This is a potent reminder that proximity or title—whether a family member, friend, pastor, or therapist—does not guarantee wise counsel. Even trusted individuals can offer advice that, though well-intentioned, may still obscure the truth God intends for you to hear. We all, including professionals, bring our biases and fallibility to the table, which can cloud our judgment, particularly when we’re in emotional turmoil.

The risk is real: even great people, when their hearts are not attuned to God’s guidance, may inadvertently darken the path you are delegated to walk. They may offer comforting words that sound right but lack the depth and truth needed to heal. So, while you may feel an urge to share your pain and seek relief, it’s vital to set boundaries around who you confide in and when. Not everyone who offers confidentiality or has a trusted position automatically qualifies as a wise counselor.

Further, in God’s rebuke of Job’s friends, we see how their counsel offended God’s truth: “I am angry with you and your two friends, because you have not spoken the truth about me…” (Job 42:7). Their understanding of God’s will was misaligned, and they misrepresented God’s character. This illustrates that while others may attempt to offer counsel from their own perspective, they, too, can miss the bigger picture—something only God fully sees. Our trials often serve to deepen our trust in God, rather than deliver immediate answers, and ill-guided advice can undermine that trust and impede our growth.

Does this mean we should avoid seeking counsel altogether? Not at all. Counsel can be a gift—valuable and necessary in times of difficulty. However, when considering whom to trust, ensure they meet a few important criteria:

1. Acknowledge the gravity of their role: A true counselor recognizes the weight of their responsibility before God and the privilege it is to speak into someone’s life during a time of pain.
2. Prayerful and humble: Seek individuals who will pray and seek God’s wisdom before offering advice. Someone who acknowledges their limitations and says, “I don’t know the answer,” may be more helpful than someone who rushes to offer words without wisdom.
3. Free from bias: Choose someone who is impartial and free of any critical, judgmental, or superior attitudes. They should offer counsel without letting personal biases cloud their judgment.

If you’re already receiving counsel and find that these principles are not being met, it may be time to seek new guidance. Protect your heart, and guard it against well-intended but ultimately harmful advice. Trust in God’s wisdom, and seek counsel from those who will help you draw nearer to Him.

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The following brief descriptions touch on emotions common to our humanity. Insecurity, Discouragement, Loneliness, Anxiety, Inadequacy, Inferiority, Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, Approval Seeking, Obsession, Neediness, Identity Confusion, Feeling Second Best, and other areas of emotional struggle.