Neediness can be described as wanting or desiring affection, attention, or reassurance excessively. A person can identify whether they struggle with neediness by evaluating if the quality of their existence depends on being constantly affirmed. In other words, they will feel unsettled if the three sentiments (affection, attention, or reassurance) are not continuously validated. When these feelings are supported, they feel secure—but only for the moment. As time elapses, they, once again, have an overwhelming desire to have these needs met.

       People who struggle with neediness will also notice that those around them
begin to pull away as they attempt to meet these expectations but soon find the need too all-consuming. The pattern of relationships that crumble due to this struggle is recognizable. However, the needy person internalizes it as rejection, which compounds their need for further affirmation. Many times, this can provoke the other party to become hostile. It is not unusual for unhealthy relationships to form or become a pattern in a needy person’s life. Neediness never rests, often leaving the needy with feelings of emptiness and desperation.

       There are many reasons that this black hole of need may set up residence in the heart of a person. It could be anything from disposition, compulsion, or inclination to emotional deprivation. If a person has been deprived of nurturing or given indulgent nurturing, the result may be the same: an excessive sense of need. There are also emotional components that can play a part in this struggle, including insecurity, depression, and anxiety. 

       If you are a person who struggles with neediness and wish to be free from its grip, there is hope! You are not called to let go—only to fall into that much-feared pit of emptiness that has propelled your struggle in the first place. You are invited to rest in the ever-loving arms of Jesus, who wants to mold and shape your security in Him. The human heart naturally longs and desires for validation. Scripture gives us guidelines, boundaries, and measures for this to occur in a spiritually healthy way. To discover your unshakable value in Christ as a person is rewarding and freeing.

For more insight into God’s rescue from consuming emotions, read: Blue Skies: Above The Dark Clouds Of Broken Thinking.

The following brief descriptions touch on emotions common to our humanity. Insecurity, Discouragement, Loneliness, Anxiety, Inadequacy, Inferiority, Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, Approval Seeking, Obsession, Neediness, Identity Confusion, Feeling Second Best, and other areas of emotional struggle.